Things not to say.

Yesterday I was at a party full of kids around D’s age. Of course, he’s “behind” all of them in gross motor skills. Whatev. It doesn’t bother me.

But sometimes . . . people are . . . people.

The same person said, to me/Donovan . . .

  1. “Come on dude. Just get up and walk! You can do it! It’s easy!”
  2. “He’s not doing that bad.”
  3. “That’s retarded.”

I’m normally not the kind of person to get upset over these things. I think they are usually innocent. Even here, I think they were innocent, but bordering on ignorant. Or maybe it was all three of them mashed within 90 seconds of each other. But, it was just annoying.

Donovan scooting along at this point is no simple feat. I’m in no hurry for him to walk. He’s not even close to being able to. For someone to think it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3 . . . well, it’s not. I’m happy that it is for your child, but for mine . . . no. His legs don’t work like that.

No, he’s not doing that bad. But why say it like that? He’s doing GREAT. Cup half full, people. Cup half full.

And finally . . . the word retarded. It does bother me a bit now, but I can’t get upset. I admit to commonly using the word “retarded” as an adjective for things that aren’t actually retarded in the past. It was innocent. Ignorant, yes. But innocent. I feel bad for it now, but I can’t have a double standard and get up on my high horse about it. And, Donovan is certainly not retarded (and this comment was not directed towards him or anything he was doing), but I do think he is behind, cognitively.

So, what did I do about it? Nothing. I’m just not at the point yet where I have the strength to try and correct people. Had these comments been malicious, then yes . . . that would have been easy. But not when they are stated innocently by someone who truly does want the best for my son. A friend.

So, I blog. Hoping that if you are reading this you might think twice about what you say in all circumstances. You never know how it might make someone feel.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. kari says:

    AAAAAMEN!!! so true!! birthday parties seem to bring out the worst in the stupidity that people say

  2. Marie says:

    people can be so mean..i am sorry that people are like that…for someone who was born with SB. I have heard it all.

    Your baby is so cute, he is a gift from God.

    check out my blog for encouragement.

  3. Karen says:

    Hi there!
    I caught your blog off of the SB website, and just wanted to say a big….. I AGREE AND BOY DO I KNOW. My son is only 2 months and my word, its been the hardest thing taking what people say. šŸ™‚ I try my hardest to find humor in the “he doesn’t look like he has a defect” comments or the “huh, well he’s normal, huh” Your blog is awesome, I love your variety in posts.

  4. My wife and I just found out yesterday, after 35 weeks of pregnancy, that our daughter has spina bifida. We have so many emotions running through us right now, and to read these comments and hear the words of encouragement actually helps. Thank you for posting them.

    1. Erin says:

      Hi Michael. Congrats on your little girl! I’m sorry to hear you received the diagnoses but I assure you it is a blessing to have not been stressed during the entire pregnancy. Please let me know if you need anything at all…or if there’s anything I can do to help your family work through this time. I know it’s super stressful!

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