So, sorry. It’s been a while. I know that. But, I am not really an all out there person with my feelings. I’m the kind of person who hides her tears. Says, “Yes, I’m okay. I’m fine.” when I’m not. And so on.
So, I made the post about how sad I was. And I was. And I have been. But I didn’t feel like going on and on about it to the few people that probably actually read my blog, so I took a little break.
I’m feeling better now. Most of the time at least. I only cried once this week…when my OB’s office and insurance company teamed up to make me feel like my pregnancy – no, my baby – didn’t count. I got a bill in the mail for $30. Why? Because apparently when you have a miscarriage, they go back and charge you a copay for each of your office visits.
I only had two, and it is so not about the $30 in co-pays I now owe. (But even so, let’s just take a brief moment to realize how ridiculous it is that having a baby full term, including a c-section, would cost me $25; while having a natural miscarriage cost me $55. Yes – I have excellent insurance – but we’re talking about principal here.)
It was about the fact that when I called to get an explanation as to why I was being charged I was told that they went from being prenatal visits to being office visits. Like, I was never pregnant. It was about how more than one person said to me, “Well, if you would have carried full term [fill in ridiculous statement here]…” To which I replied, “I would have LOVED to carry full term. Trust me. I did not have an abortion for God’s sake. I had a miscarriage.”
So, I headed strait to Publix, where my good friends Ben & Jerry were on sale. I impressed myself by only consuming half the pint of S’Mores Ice Cream. Go me. (Note to self: stop emotional eating; like now.)
The next day was better. I received an award from a local professional agency for one of my campaigns at work. I’m very into validation (my love language is Words of Affirmation, if you were wondering how to woo me) and rarely get it, so this was a highlight of my three years of work I’ve put in with my current employer.
And then today was a bummer. I’m sort of “stuck” in my position at work. I oversee my department, and there’s no place for me to be promoted too. So, I’m always looking for ways to develop myself professionally. So, I was given permission to submit a grant proposal. A grant proposal I was REALLY excited about. Because it was a ton of money to educate young women on the importance of taking a multivitamin with folic acid – with the end goal of fewer NTD-affected pregnancies throughout the United States. It. Was. PERFECT.
And then the CDC decided to cancel it. And I was sad.
Anyway, this super long, long, long story is just to say that with this grant I felt alive. And useful. I was doing something I was passionate about. And it reminded me why I started this blog. Because I want to help people. I have no other agenda. So, that’s why I’m back. Back to blogging. Back to spreading awareness.
Back to explaining Spina Bifida.