Things that should have been.


I should have been 16 weeks this Thursday.

I should have been finding out the sex this week.

I should have been planning a nursery instead of turning the spare room into a second guest room.

I should be gaining weight instead of losing it.

I should have a rounder tummy instead of a flatter one.

I should be planning the details of my maternity leave, instead of a trip to Boston.

None of those things are happening, and I’m finally okay with it. I’m okay that they are not happening, and I am okay that it makes me a little sad. And I’m doing better at seeing the silver lining. The flatter tummy…silver lining! Losing weight…silver lining!

I’m doing the best I can to turn a negative into a positive. I’m not pregnant right now. It sucks, yes. Is it the end of the world? Not for me. I’m using my time to lose weight and get healthier so that the next time that I am happier and healthier.

So, little baby Ned, that is how I honor your short life. I will choose to be happier. And to be healthier. And to remember that you never know when something is going to be stolen from you, so you should make the most out of it while you have it.


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